A few months ago at a Champaign Park District 5k race, I won a backpack thingy and a $10 Dick’s Sporting Goods gift certificate for knowing that Alison Krauss is from Champaign. (They asked trivia questions after the race, and I was the first one to answer some question where Alison Krauss was the answer).

Back before Christmas, I was wandering through Dick’s looking for something to buy for someone, and I ran across their Maglite selections. Hey, everyone can use a Maglite, right? They had them on sale, so I picked up a 2-aa battery Maglite for $12.99 plus tax. After the gift certificate, I think I paid $3.23.

A few days later, I was looking around at Home Depot and they had stuff on sale as well. They had a combo pack… a 2-aa Maglite, as well as a 2-aaa Maglite. Their price for both lights? $10.74. So, I bought the Maglites from Home Depot and figured I’d return the Maglite to Dick’s. That was strike 1 against Dick’s. (high prices!)

So, I headed back to Dick’s. Made my way up to the cashier and told her I wanted to return something. She acted like she could help me with that, so that was cool. I didn’t have to find a magical service desk or anything. I handed over the light and the receipt. She asked if I had the credit card that I had charged it to, which I gave her. She started punching numbers, clicked her little “I need a manager” light, the manager showed up, pressed a few keys, and she proceeded to give me the money back for the Maglite: $3.23. And only $3.23. Strike 2.

I told her it was more than that. She said, “No, that’s what it was.” I showed her the ticket, and she proceeded to tell me that since it was a gift certificate, I didn’t get a refund for that. Huh?!! She said that $3.23 was all that I get. So, I return a light that’s worth $13 (according to them) and they want to give me three bucks. Good thing I didn’t have a $1,000 gift certificate and wanted to return something that cost $1,003. She’d have told me that I only deserved $3 in that case, as well.

So, I told her that was crazy and didn’t make any sense. She assured me that was the company policy. I tried to be reasonable. I asked if, at the very least, she could just give me another gift certificate then. I could use the gift certificate for something else in the store that way. She then assured me that, according to company policy, “They weren’t supposed to do that either.” I told her that didn’t make any sense, and if that’s the way they were going to be, to just give me the light back. So, she rung up the light, applied a magical $10 gift certificate to it, charged me $3.54, and I left with a light that I didn’t want. No, I didn’t leave satisfied. Strike 3.

Since then, I’ve thought about this a fair amount, and I’ve come up with the perfect solution, if I wanted to lie about it. I could just take the mag light in there, tell them I had gotten it for Christmas, didn’t have a receipt (but was assured it was from Dick’s) and wanted a refund. They’d have insisted on store credit only, and I’d have gotten store credit for $13.23, and all would have been well. It’s pretty bad when I’m tempted to lie just so a store will do the right thing. I could still do that, but I don’t plan to. I’ll live with the expensive light, but I’m not the same man as before. I’m a little bit wiser, and I’ll take things like this into consideration when I decide where to spend my future money.